Existential Therapy in Orange County
Existential therapy sounds complicated and philosophical, but at its heart, it explores some very human questions:
Who am I?
What matters to me?
What kind of life do I want to create?
What choices do I have now?
How do I find meaning in what I’ve experienced?
Who do I want to become from here?
What Is Existential Therapy?
Existential therapy is a form of psychotherapy that explores meaning, identity, freedom, responsibility, choice and the experience of simply being human.
Rather than looking only at symptoms, existential therapy looks at the person experiencing those symptoms.
This is one of the reasons existential principles fit so naturally within my integrative and holistic approach to therapy.
I don’t believe our work should only be about asking, “How do we get rid of this anxiety?” or “How do we stop this uncomfortable feeling?”
Sometimes we need to ask deeper questions.
→What is this experience showing you?
→What isn’t working anymore?
→Where have you lost connection with yourself?
→What are you afraid might happen if you make a different choice?
→Are you living according to what matters to you—or according to what you’ve learned other people expect from you?
Therapy can absolutely help reduce distress. But it can also become a place where you begin examining how you want to live.
You Are More Than What Has Happened to You
Our past matters.
Our childhood experiences, relationships, trauma, losses and disappointments can profoundly influence the way we see ourselves and the world.
But existential therapy also asks an empowering question:
Given everything that has happened, what do you choose now?
We cannot always control what happens to us. We cannot rewrite every chapter that came before. But we can begin becoming more conscious of how we respond, what meaning we give our experiences and how we want to move forward.
This doesn’t mean blaming yourself for circumstances that were outside of your control.
It means recognizing that healing can include rediscovering your ability to make choices in the present.
Sometimes that choice is enormous. Sometimes it’s simply:
Those choices matter.
From “Who Am I Supposed to Be?” to “Who Am I?”
One of the themes I see frequently in my work is how easily we can become disconnected from ourselves.
This is especially true for people who have spent years being the responsible one, the successful one, the caregiver, the perfectionist, the peacekeeper or the person everyone else depends on.
You may become incredibly skilled at reading the room and asking:
What does everyone else need?
What will make them happy?
What am I supposed to do?
Who do I need to be here?
Eventually, you may realize you aren’t quite sure what you want anymore.
Existential work creates space for a different set of questions:
Who am I when I’m not performing for someone else?
What do I value?
What brings meaning to my life?
What feels authentic to me?
What would my life look like if I stopped abandoning myself to maintain connection with everyone else?
These aren’t always questions with immediate answers.
Sometimes therapy is about giving yourself enough space to finally hear your own answers.
Finding Meaning Without Pretending Everything Happens for a Reason
One of the most powerful aspects of existential therapy is exploring meaning.
That does not mean we have to pretend that every painful experience happened for a reason.
Finding meaning is different from justifying what happened.
The question becomes: What do I want to do with this experience now?
•Perhaps you discover strength you didn’t know you had.
•Perhaps you recognize a pattern you no longer want to repeat.
•Perhaps your experience creates greater compassion for yourself or someone else.
•Perhaps it changes the way you want to live.
•Perhaps it teaches you something about your boundaries, relationships, values or priorities.
The experience itself may not be the gift.
What you discover within yourself because of it might be.
Anxiety and the Human Experience
Existential therapy also recognizes that some anxiety is part of being human.
We live with uncertainty.
We often try to eliminate uncertainty by controlling, planning, overthinking, perfecting or anticipating every possible outcome.
But sometimes healing isn’t about creating enough control to guarantee that nothing difficult will happen.
It’s about developing enough trust in yourself to know:
Whatever happens, I can meet myself there.
That can create a very different relationship with anxiety.
How Can Existential Therapy Help?
Existential principles can be helpful when you are experiencing:
- Anxiety or depression
- A loss of meaning or purpose
- Major life transitions
- Grief and loss
- Identity changes
- Trauma or difficult life experiences
- Shame or guilt
- Resentment
- Feeling stuck or disconnected
- Burnout
- Relationship changes
- Fear of making the “wrong” decision
- Perfectionism and people-pleasing
- Questions about spirituality, faith or meaning
- A desire to understand yourself more deeply
- The feeling that your life looks fine from the outside but doesn’t feel right on the inside
You don’t have to be in crisis to explore these questions.
Sometimes people come to therapy because something inside them is saying:
“There has to be more than this.”
Existential Therapy and Returning to Yourself
For me, this is where existential work connects beautifully with something I talk about often: returning to yourself.
Many of us spend years accumulating ideas about who we’re supposed to be.
Eventually, those expectations can become so loud that we have difficulty hearing ourselves underneath them.
Returning to yourself means beginning to notice:
What do I actually believe?
What do I actually want?
What feels true for me?
What am I doing because I choose it—and what am I doing because I’m afraid not to?
Existential therapy doesn’t hand you the answers.
It creates space for you to discover your own.
What Does an Existential Therapy Session Look Like?
Existential work is primarily rooted in conversation, curiosity and authentic human connection.
There isn’t a worksheet that tells you the meaning of your life.
And I’m certainly not going to tell you what your life is supposed to look like.
Instead, we explore.
- •I may ask questions that help you notice patterns, assumptions or choices that have become automatic.
- •We might explore your relationships, identity, values, fears, hopes, boundaries or beliefs.
- •We may talk about the past—not because you are destined to repeat it, but because understanding where you came from can help you decide where you want to go.
Because my overall approach is integrative, our work doesn’t have to remain entirely cognitive or conversational. If we notice that your mind is saying one thing while your body is responding differently, we may slow down and explore that.
We might incorporate mindfulness, nervous system regulation, somatic awareness, breathwork, guided imagery, trauma processing or another therapeutic approach when appropriate.
You Still Get to Choose
There is an idea within existential work that I find incredibly powerful:
You have agency.
Not control over everything.
Agency.
There is an important difference.
You cannot control every person, circumstance, loss, transition or unexpected turn in your life.
But you can begin noticing where you still have choices.
- •You can choose your boundaries.
- •You can examine the stories you’ve been carrying.
- •You can decide what values you want to live by.
- •You can learn to listen to your body.
- •You can change the way you speak to yourself.
- •You can decide what relationships you want to nurture.
- •You can decide when something no longer aligns with who you are becoming.
- •And you can begin choosing yourself without believing that doing so means abandoning everyone else.
That is where therapy can move beyond simply feeling better.
It can become about living differently.
Existential Therapy Within an Integrative Approach
I don’t practice from one therapeutic model alone. My work is integrative, which means I draw from different therapeutic approaches depending on the person, the situation and what is happening in the room.
Existential principles naturally weave into that work because I am interested not only in what you are experiencing, but also in what your experience means to you.
We may explore the nervous system, trauma, relationships, thoughts, emotions and the body while also asking the bigger questions:
Who are you becoming?
What matters now?
What are you ready to let go of?
What do you want to carry forward?
What would it mean to live more authentically?
Ultimately, existential therapy isn’t about finding the “right” answer to life.
It’s about becoming more conscious of the life you are creating.
And sometimes healing begins with one incredibly important question:
Is the way I’m living actually aligned with who I am?
